Pain!

Have you ever been in so much pain that all you can do is just get in a fetal position and cry? That was me last night. I had a great time with my family in Branson, MO this weekend, but I was up on my feet too much and I paid for it!

Strangely enough, as I was lying on my bed crying like a big baby, I was praising God for the ability to walk! Walking with pain is much better than being confined to a wheelchair and no pain! Thank you God!

Russ

Recovery is Slow, Slow, Slow

I have not posted in a long while and I am not sure because of my lack of posting if anyone is still out there listen, but, if not, I can talk to myself and can go back in the future to remind myself of what I was thinking and feeling.

Looking at the title of this blog, you might think that I am complaining about my recovery. I am not really complaining as much as I am surprised. I really thought by now I would be recovered with some minor difficulties. And in reality, I can get around and do pretty much anything I set my mind to except running. The pain is what is aggravating. The pain stops me in my tracks and I really hate that. I can take all of the pain meds I want to take and the pain never goes away. How annoying and frustrating. I have a new appreciation for people who live with daily pain. It is always there. It never leaves. It is like a ball and chain around your neck, constantly pulling you down.

Recently, I have not been doing my workouts as much as I should be. Nor have I been losing weight like I need to. Those 2 things will help in dealing with the pain, I am sure. So why in the world am I not doing these 2 things? Oh, I can come up with a long list of excuses, but it all boils down to laziness. I know what I must do, yet I don't do it. Sound familiar?

There is one bit of of sunshine in this whole thing. As of Dec 15, I am off disability and I can go back to work full-time!

So here are my goals. I need to lose 50 to 60 lbs. I need to work out 3+ times per week. Pray that I will do this! I will post again in a month and let you know how I am doing.

Lesson #26

Helping people who are in a crisis is wonderful, but you must continue to follow-up after the initial crisis is over.

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I still struggle with this one today...despite the fact that it is in my list of lessons learned.

It is so easy to run to the aid of a friend in the moment of crisis. I can testify that we would not have made it had it not been for everyone who rallied around us at that very moment. We still have a few people rallying around us and we are still amazed by their love!

But, the momentum of crisis soon wears off and then things tend to go back to a state we consider normal. We check in from time to time on those who are in the post-crisis mode, asking if there is anything we can do for them. And on most occasions, they tell us no, there is nothing you can do. But I am here to say this is just not true! There is something you can do. Drop by their house. Go visit...you don't need an invitation...just go. Right now, Robbie and I have friends who are in the throngs of difficulty. The initial momentum of crisis is over, yet the aftermath of crisis is very difficult and trying. The fires of tribulation are still there. And yes, we ask the standard question, "what can we do to help", and honestly, there is very little that can be done at that moment...there is very little we can do to take their burden away. But Robbie is the one who revealed to me just tonight...she said this, "you know what I wanted the most while we were in our fire?" I said, "no, what was that?" She said, "I wanted someone to stop by, say hello, hug us, love us, even if I could not tell to come and do this." She continued, "I know there was nothing more they could do but pray and say I love you, but a personal visit...that means a lot!" Let me tell you, people have done this for us and now we must do the same for our friends. So we are going to change our strategy! Why, because we love these friends so much...we have a convenant friendship with them and we must be there at the moment of crisis, during the crisis and well after the crisis; especially afterwards because that is when most people begin to walk away and get back to their lives.

So what is the bottom line here? Am I whining? Am I complaining? Heavens NO! I am sharing with you a lesson that I learned....and for that matter still refining and learning as of today.

Just because time has marched on does not mean post-crisis people don't continue to have needs that must be met by all of us!

We must walk from the beginning to the end with those we cherish the most!!

Lesson #25

My Wife is My Best and Closest Friend In The World!

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There is no doubt in my mind that this is a true statement. Robbie has been there every step of the way, from my fall to my healing, she has been a constant rock from which I draw strength. She has been a trooper, diligently working hard to make my healing the best it can be. She has helped me in so many ways, I know that I would not be where I am right now, had it not been for her. Of course, her strength came from God Himself...and I am so thankful to Him for giving her to me. I am so blessed, so loved and so twitter-patted (sp?) by her. There is no doubt she is my soul-mate, the one created specifically for me. I am so thankful that I am still alive and here to enjoy her company and love.

Robbie, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You still capture my heart and soul and I am so in love with you, more today than I have ever been. My God richly bless you for all that you have done for me!

I love you,

Russ

One Year Anniversary Happy Feet Day 2009

The day has come, my one year anniversary! It just doesn't feel like a year has passed yet Robbie tells me that it most definitely has been a year!

It has been really hard on Robbie. She has struggled a great deal with all that we have dealt with this past year. I know she is very thankful for what God has done in our lives. It makes me sad to know that she has been sad, yet I know that God has used this situation to teach us some very valuable stuff. For this I am very grateful!

Today was relatively quiet. There were no big celebrations. No big parties. No big hoorays. Collier greeted me with a musical card or "song card" as he calls them. It had a picture of 2 feet on the front of it and it played the song, "I get knocked down, but I get up again, cause you're never gonna keep me down!" I laughed and I cried. It was fun!

Then I got a text message for a very dear friend who too was remembering my day. Then it was off to church to worship God. Robbie's parents, sister and husband joined us in worship today and then it was off to lunch to celebrate. Robbie's mom deemed it "Happy Feet" day. Robbie calls it Survival Celebration Day. Whatever you call it, it is a Praz God Day!

Then we got home from lunch and Robbie presented me with a memorial gift. It was sweetly inscribed and it has a clock and photo of my family in it. It is beautiful and it will sit on my desk as a reminder of how God is so Good! Thanks Robbie...I love you!

I spent a good portion of the day looking at the clock, recalling each hour (what I could recall) of this day 1 year ago. I am so thankful that I am not there right now. So glad to be home and walking again. I have also gone back through this blog to recount the crazy events. So amazing to see the path God has allowed me to travel!

I get to see my Ortho doc this week for the first time in 6 months. I am sure we will x-ray again and chat about healing. I am about 80% there. But our continual prayer is for complete healing! And it will come in time, I have no doubt. Then I can go back to work!! Hurray!

Thank you again to all of you who have prayed for me and my family, who continue to take the time to read this blog and for giving thanks to our God for His blessings. He is really amazing and powerful!

Take care and I will post later this week to tell you how my doc appt went!

I love you all very much!

Russ

Lesson #24

People say the craziest things to you. I guess they are trying to find a way to connect or they are completely blind to your situation.

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I have probably posted this example already, but I have to mention it again because I will never forget it. When people learn about your situation, they want to connect to it in some way. The most common way is for them to tell you about a similar situation they were in or someone they know had a similar situation. I have heard just about every story there is about falling, broken feet, broken ankles, etc. But the one that tops the cake is the one where a man told me about his dog having some kind of broken foot. He was so serious as he was telling me his story and the whole time I was just laughing inside. How did my situation equate with his dog's situation. I was very thankful that this guy was concerned about me and my healing and he was indeed very sincere, but trying to mesh together his story and my story was just humorous at best.

A lady at Tops Shoes who was helping me buy new shoes just a month ago. She was talking and talking and finally asked me why I was replacing all of the shoes. I gave her a brief summary of my accident and she said, "ah that's no big deal, I fell through my attic too and just came out with a few bruises." Needless to say, I had to immediately leave the store. She had no clue how ignorant her words were. I left angry! I went home, asked God to forgive me for my anger and then went back to buy some shoes. I did tell her that her words were very distasteful and that she should be more considerate. She apologized and sold me $250 worth of shoes.

The moral of the story here is that people, including myself, don't always think about what they (I) say to people who are hurting. We should spend more time listening and being quiet!

By the way, thanks for listening!

Reminders

Right now, I have some very dear friends who are in the middle of a VERY BIG storm in their lives. Their new baby girl has a severe heart defect. They have been in the hospital for many weeks. I wish I could take all of their pain away. But I can't. I watch them going through this and I see God at work in BIG WAYS! It reminds me of how God worked and continues to work in my storm.

I am so thankful that I am able to help them in ways that I could not before because of what God taught me during my storm. Praise you God!

Lesson #23

There is NO bad change, only good!

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Ok, that may be a strange statement, but yet it is true. I was meditating on this topic not long after coming home from the hospital. I was looking at my life before my accident and then looking at what was before me. I quickly saw that things had drastically changed. Nothing was the same. And then I began to judge whether the change was good or bad. At first glance, you would automatically say, "well, this change is bad!" I did. Who wanted to be in a wheel chair and be told that you would never walk unassisted again. Who really wants to go to the bathroom in a portable potty? NOT ME!

So really, it was gloom and doom. Even though I knew I would not be in the wheel chair forever, I really did not like the change that had come to my life. So I began to pray and read the Bible. I remembered verses that state, "if God be before me who can be against me." And, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And then I read verses that talk about God molding and making us into the likeness of his son. Then it dawned on me. You know, if God is really sovereign over all things, then nothing happens without his permission. Therefore, all change is good. I may not like the change. It may not feel good at the time it happens, but in the end, all changes are used by God to make me more like His son. Therefore, I must count it all joy.

"ALL THINGS work together for THE GOOD of them who love God and who are called according to his purposes."

So, change is good.

Using What I Have Learned

I have been sharing with you the things that God has been teaching me during this ordeal. There are 30 specific things on my list so far. I will share a couple of more in a few minutes.

Right now, I want to share with you how I am using what I have learned. I know I have said this many times in this blog, yet I have to say it again, one of the biggest lessons I learned was that you must stick closer than a brother to your dearest friends, especially when they need you the most. Robbie and I have some awesome friends who have a new baby girl with a severe heart defect. We knew about this heart condition months before she was born, but now she is here and the baby and our friends are pretty much living at the hospital. I know how important it is to have close friends and family surrounding you in your time of need, especially when you are in the hospital. I must tell you that I have "delighted" in visiting and doing all kinds of things for my friends. It brings me great joy to do anything that lightens their load! I love it! I hate that they must endure this, but I am SO BLESSED AND THANKFUL to be at their disposal!

God, I praise you for my accident and for all the great things you have taught me! I am blessed by your grace and love! I stand in awe of you!

10 months!!

Ten months have past since my accident and it is amazing how far I have come. I wish I could move faster, but, healing is progressing well. I am walking more each week and the pain is getting lesser and lesser. I am not having to take pain meds as much as before.

I am working losing weight to lessen the impact of arthritis. I am down 21 pounds as of today. Pray that I can lose much more than this!

I will have to go back to work soon. My disability insurance is aggressively working to stop my monthly payments. They are so eager to get you money for their policies, yet they are more than eager to stop paying benefits!

My next doc appt is in August. I believe at that time, my surgeon will release me from his care.

I continue to do PT each week. It has been the biggest help. I will have to get some shoe inserts soon for my right foot to correct my walk.

Thank you so much for your prayers. God is so good and He continues to heal me and answer my prayers of healing!