Day 10--Lonlieness Rears It's Ugly Head

August 18, 2008
Day 10

Woke Up With The Devil Whispering Sour Nothings In My Ear!

I was awakened on Day 10 with the Devil whispering to me....telling me to look at the calendar...reminding me that I had been in the hospital for 10 days. Not only that but he had the audacity to tell me my friends and family were calling less, emailing less, visiting less and the cards were coming less frequently. He also wanted me to know that I was never going home. I just brushed him off and nothing really hit me until my wife packed up her stuff to go home, so that she could get ready for work. When the door closed behind her, I started crying. Another one of those cries where you can't talk...all you can do is cry. Here comes the pity party and of course, I am the only one that showed up to party! I rolled over, grabbed my Bible and found one of my favorite verses: Romans 8:38-39; "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons; neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." I laid there reading my Bible and praying until God capture my negative thoughts and took them away. I was left with a smile and peace.

You see, no matter what we are feeling, no matter the circumstances, no matter how bad things feel or look....the Bible is always true...nothing can separate us from God!

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I had already written this item down on my notebook of things to be done soon, but after the events of this morning and after reading a friend's email that confirmed my next action, I called on 3 of my dearest friends to be my mental health guardians. I need people other than Robbie and I to look after my mental health. Nothing slows down the healing process more than depression. Anyone can slip into depression and not know they are on the slippery slope. These friends are to check on my frequently, ask me the questions no one else will ask and to be very blunt with me if necessary...if they believe they see a change in my attitude or my direction of hope. I know they will be faithful and I am so grateful to them for taking on this project of love!

Great Events of the Day

1. I learned that I will be going to the Rehab floor tomorrow. This is awesome! I will be working on skills that will be necessary for my survival at home.
2. I was taken off all IV pain meds. We are down to pills only and only when needed. Praise God, no more WEIRD dreams at night! I dreamed the curtains in my room were trying to eat me one night. Morphine = wack-o dreams!
3. My Foley catheter was removed. OK, have any of you out there had a catheter? You know, they drug you to insert it, but then you are awake, un-drugged to pull out this 2 foot snake? You have got to be kidding!?!?! :( But yes, that is what happened. The nurse told me to take a deep breath and she then pulled it out. All I could think was where in the world is the end of this hose? It felt like my insides were coming out of my privates! Praise God, it is gone!!!!!

Today's Humor

1. My crazy neighbor lady escaped from her bed last night around 2am. There is just something about 2 am for this lady. She is up at this time every night. Anyway, she is in the hall screaming, "HELP!" The nurses come running to her assistance. They get her back in her bed and ask her, "What's wrong?" She yells, "NOTHING!" So the nurses tell her some things and leave. Not 5 minutes later, she is again yelling, "HELP!" The nurses come back to her room and her response to their inquiries was, "nothing!" The nurses kind of snicker at this under their breath (I was doing the same thing). She snaps up in her bed and tells them, "You just wait, you will be 90 one day soon!" OK, that is all it took for me to belt out a big belly laugh...and then her next words were, "shut up!" LOL! You can't make this stuff up!
2. The manager of food services came to see me today. Oh yes, the manager. I guess my name is dirt in the kitchen. Anyway, he is allowing me to choose my menu each day. It seems they actually cook more than just the 7-day cycle of food. So things are a little better on the food front!
3. WARNING!! The next item discusses male private parts (i.e. testicles) OK, well I am in the middle of my PT, moving from the bed to a chair. I am so proud and doing so well with this. Well, on my way over from the bed to the chair, I got my testicles caught in the space between the bed and the arm of the chair. I am pulling away at my body trying to get into the chair, and my testicles are getting pulled in the opposite direction. So I quickly moved back over just enough to get my boys un-hung (really, no pun here) and I had to sit there with one check on the bed and one on the arm of the chair and I laughed. My PT guy, who, finds little humor in anything, gave me this dumb look and asked what was wrong. I told him what was going on and just shrugged his shoulders and said, "OK!" I then proceed to move over into the chair. Success on the move, yet stressful on the boys!